I can feel your sadness, and pride
And the hollow we both hold, deep inside
The space where so many thoughts will collide
How did we allow, our love to divide?
I remember loving you,
under the moon against the rail
Back when we pushed the “us” to sail
When did our “we,” became your jail?
Here, at night, the sky fills with stars
Are you looking too, from somewhere afar?
We watched shooting stars, soar through the sky
My hand in yours, how I wished we could fly.
A song triggers memories so sweet
Kitchen dancing to the pumping beat
Music joined with the summer heat;
We climbed our hill, above the lake
Our dreams entwined, a life to make.
I think of the place we first lay,
Blue sky above, with pines a-sway
Our vision grew, full colour display
And we saw the world a different way
Can we ever go back, to that day in May?
Do you remember that time
When moonlight created a shimmering line
To dancing loons, that circled in time?
Flapping their wings, their walking skate
Each one rose, in search of a mate
But the clouds came in, and covered the moon
And we were left thinking, it was over too soon.
I think about the late summer day
Our marriage vows were cast away
The lake a cold bath, we had that morning
The power went off, without any warning
Our vows were lost, a template was read
We repeated them, laughing at words we said.
Our family was called to make an oath
To see us through, the hardest growth
Those times when life creates divide
When love is challenged, it runs to hide
Where are they now? They built a wall
I try to climb… but always fall.
I yearn for the life we had planned out,
Days spent together, without any doubt
So long ago, before your work took the space
That I once had, at the start of our race.
I think of our dreams to be free
A vineyard, a farm, a hotel by the sea
Each needed commitment, but we couldn’t agree
That both of us, should become a strong “we.”
I remember, discussing our plan
To avoid nine to five, and the corporate man
But our dreams faded, and we fell into the ranks
Of days filled by work, and empty thanks
More time spent apart, than together to grow
To learn how to value, the love we bestow,
You no longer yearn to be by the sea
A lake calm and still is where you must be
As the years passed, your focus it dimmed
Your work took priority, while love for me thinned
Deep in my heart, I knew without doubt
The love you once held, had slowly burned out
Little was left, but the knowledge impending
That one-sided love, is never transcending
When love is held as life’s great mission
It pushes us beyond, our own small condition
Out into the world, we learn how to give
And that is the fuel, that inspires us to live
A much bigger life, than one stuck revolving
On personal desires, with little evolving.
Love, allows you to see the sparkle of light
That adds depth and meaning, to a dark night.
I think about all the love that I gave
It was taken, expected, but little repaid
No flowers for me, though you knew how I wanted
A gesture of love, with freesia flaunted
Living to satisfy want, desire and need
Does not lift us out, of a world filled with greed
Too many buy into the flattering notion
That life should be focused on self-devotion
I cry as the world promotes, this deception
And suicide rates climb beyond, all perception
When our kids became teens, I realised perhaps late
The life we were living, allow few to escape
The consumerist world, such a stark empty place
Where success isn’t measured, on how you make the world better
But by the fashion brand, that appears on your sweater
So few people, can truly grow beyond
The self-focused love, that opulence spawns
From circular thoughts, so empty they be
When life is only about, enhancing the “me,”
You give up honour, commitment, and passion
For a sheltered life, jammed with inaction
Don’t you see that it’s such, a small little ration.
When compared to a life, filled with compassion?
You refused to let go of the wheel
The decisions you made, I could not appeal
To the man who hides, behind the facade
That a life lived alone, is one to applaud.
I hope that our kids, have learned how to treasure
The strength that it takes, to ignore easy pleasure
When over the years, I put aside my thirst,
To wait patiently, while I slowly nursed
The dreams made for two, that have now all burst
When I pushed you too hard, to put me first.
I believe that the man deep inside
Might one day break free, of the cultural tide
And if that can happen, then at last you will soar
And maybe some day, learn to embrace your roar.
So small you’ve become, like a plant in a box
Your anxiety limits, all of your thoughts
It’s easy to ignore, the oaths that you made
But letting go your integrity, will lose some of your brave
And fear will stop you, from riding the wave
Of passion so deep, of treasure sublime,
Of wisdom that comes, from a love that’s divine.
The footings you set, in the life you have chosen
Are buried so deep, they’ll never be frozen.
You’ve traded a life to learn, grow, and find meaning
For one that is stable and calm, but careening
Away from the physical world, so virile and alive
Where your honour and actions, might yet still survive
To a life of abstraction, creating charts on your drive.
I know the struggle you’ll have, to have love once again
To let down your defences, and the fears deep within
To face a new future, to take a new route
Away from your data, to a different pursuit
And maybe you’ll embrace a life filled with diversity
And the changes that create enough adversity
To push you to keep, growing, learning and thriving
And give you the strength to have one love surviving.
When you left, I hoped there might be line
To tie us together, until I could find
A route to the dream, once mutually held
To spend days together, and have our lives meld.
As Covid-19 sets the world all ablaze,
I’ve learned to live alone, over so many days
Without you beside me, to place focus on
I found my inner voice, I thought was long gone.
When love first begins, it demands compromise
To give more of ourselves and not monopolise
Love pulls us out, from our own selfish minds
and allows us to see, the world without blinds.
I think of the mistakes that I made,
To let us grow distant, and separate
I’m sad about the justifications you gave
For breaking your vows, for running away
As I write this, I know it’s time to give up
I can see that your soul, is somehow stuck
The man I once knew, lost his way long ago
He cycled the world for charity, don’t you know?
Back then I imagine the hills he rode down,
His arms spread wide open, he wore a gold crown
He wasn’t afraid to take life by the horns,
He was my king, and the man I shall mourn.
The course we set out on, has filled in with fog
A correction is needed, a different prologue
I wonder now, if you were to focus on growing,
Could there be a way, to get your love flowing?
I feel gratitude, for the time we had in our life
I know that I’ve grown beyond, that naive little wife
Who came into our marriage, bright-eyed with delight
Believing our dreams could weave together, at night.
I believe that love has the power to quench every desire
It is the pulsing beat, that pushed man to create fire
It is the roaring drive, that ignites every invention
It is the force giving life, its eternal dimension.