To the father of my children, who has given his life

To making them happy, without any strife.

You were there when they learned how to swim to the dock

There teaching them both, how to skate like a jock!

There when they needed money for toys

There teaching them how to be “good little boys”.

 

But where were you when our eldest- at four years of age  

Wondered why I was trapped inside a cage.

Then asked “mummy why does daddy wear a mask like his mum.

Is that what it means to be a good son?”

 

Where were you when our youngest cried out —

 “mum why does dad never scream, cry, or shout?”

I answered the truth;  nanny taught him quite young

To push down his feelings – and be a good son.

 

Where were you when their young souls got angry, frustrated and mad  

when they missed you at the cottage, just being their dad? 

We three climbed the hill, and I taught them to scream, 

to let out their anger, that burned like hot steam.

 

Your mother was there – she got quite upset.

Worried the neighbors would think it a threat. 

Her concern was about what others would think

I told her my kids should not have to shrink. 

I wanted them to know their feelings matter

That I loved them despite what they might shatter.

 

When I think of the father you might have become

If you had embraced change,  if you stayed in the sun

The acts that you did, to destroy me –  as your wife and their mother.

The shame  you now carry – for making me suffer.

 

I worry you passed to our kids, all of your trauma.

Your own childhood was filled with far too much drama

From a Valium addicted mother who demanded her son to hush and be good

While she fucked his dads friends, in their small neighborhood 

 

Your father worked so much he wasn’t around to see, 

how his little boy craved to be held on his knee.

As you grew into a man you found it hard to “feel.”

You protected your heart from anyone who was real.

 

But you tried when we met to be open and free 

Asking I give up a career, as you bent down on one knee.

You promised we’d work together, learn and grow through hard times

We’d build a devine love, through our journey, our climb.

 

I didn’t see the hate filled boy that hid deep inside.

Only a man — with a long steady stride.

And our marriage it blossomed, two children we had

My career took back seat, to yours as their dad. 

 

I agreed to put off the dreams we made at our start

To work together, and build love in our heart.

I learned how to shrink, when you walked out in a rage.

Not push you to grow, to sit quietly in my cage.

 

Control was your shield,  so you wouldn’t be hurt

But it formed a Florentine lock under my skirt. 

I tried reaching for you, asked you to walk me to bed

But you rolled your eyes, gave a shake of your head. 

 

Your slow disrespect for me grew over time,

As if I was your mother, with all of her crime.

Your mother was tormented, by the mistakes she had made

She grew a desire to go to her grave.

 

You booked a flight home, to be at her side 

Only to find she didn’t wait, for you to arrive.

When you came back to us, you were filled with such grief,

With anger and hate, that stole love like a thief.

 

All your emotions broke free, out of their cage,

And I was there dodging, all of your rage.

Transferring your hate to me, didn’t make sense

But you did it so quickly, I had no defense.

 

You decided the day she ended her life

That you no longer wanted me, there as your wife.

But you pretended that we just needed some space

That you still wanted to build our retirement place

 

You left me to work on an empty dream

While you carefully planned out your cruel divorce scheme

When I accepted our fate, I didn’t realize the worst was to come

Your desire to punish me, made me grow numb.

 

I watched you destroy me as wife, mother, and sister-in-law 

You rewrote our story — made me take the fall. 

You wanted to erase all we had built,

To be free of the anger, the shame, and the guilt.

 

Free of the rage your mother caused long ago 

In a boy wanting love – who had to silence his soul.

 

I asked that you to give me a small share of our home

After 18 years there, it was where we’d all grown.  

It’s $2 million value plus $2million from your mum. 

Had you comfortably holding a $4 million sum.

 

I only wanted enough to help me launch a new life

Less than 8% you refused,  to help out your wife.

I thought about all the choices you pushed me to make

turning down job offers – you didn’t want me to take. 

 

I thought I was helping,  to support your career

Didn’t think you’d push me aside, after 18 long years.

I thought I had earned my place at the table

Thought you’d honour your vows — and my life would be stable.

Had I known you’d cast me, right out of our home

Known in my 50s,  I’d have to fend on my own

I’d have taken the job offers that came every few years

So I could support myself easy — without all the fears.  

 

I just needed help, learning to stand on my own. 

I didn’t want to fight you in court, so asked you for a loan.

Your refusal was blunt, no help would come. 

And I wondered  — what kind of parents … could raise such a son?

 

A father’s duty to his children, includes taking care of their mother for life

Don’t you know a mother’s love, can never be replaced by a new wife?

Our kids fear your disapproval, and it’s not a surprise

They watched you destroy me, in front of their eyes

They watched as you stopped all communication with me

Saw how you created, a new history

They watched as I struggled to to build a new life.

While you travelled the world, without any strife. 

They know you won’t allow me, at family events

That you dismissal of me, doesn’t really make sense.

Can’t you see the fear they carry, way deep down? 

Of upsetting their father, who where’s a fake crown.

  

After 6 years of fighting, I was almost broke

I gave up on trying, I was starting to choke.

I walked away owing a big legal debt,

But my soul is now free for a duet.

 

I hope that our kids learn love is a choice, you make every day

To put your spouse first, so they don’t fade away

And I hope that you learn all your anger, rage and fears 

Come from the boy who buried his for emotions for years

I hope that you find a way out of the cave where you retreated.

And you’re life will be more than trauma repeated.